Later Daters - How's Your Teeth?

How's Your Teeth?

My father’s side of the family had more financial resources than my mother’s family. Dad's people were raised in Upstate New York, went to ivy league colleges, spent

summers at a lake house, and apparently did well for themselves (made money)

during The Great Depression. My mother’s folk were farmers from Iowa during The

Great Depression. They knew hardship, how to live without, and they saved

everything. When my dad met my mom's family for the first time. My great-

grandmother asked him, “How’s your teeth?”

What a bizarre thing to ask! We don’t necessarily have a point of reference for a

comment like that in today’s day and age. Many of us have access to good dentistry,

orthodontic and periodontal care. But for my great-grandmother, it was very

important. Because if someone didn’t have “good teeth,” they would suffer from a

number of health issues the could cost quite a bit of time, money, and energy for the

couple to resolve.

Personally, I think my grandmother had very good insight into a larger issue that

young couples will ultimately face, but for later daters, the issue is IN YOUR FACE.

Here are some questions that definitely roll though the mind of a later dater.

If I get married to someone, what am I taking on? And, if I were being real with

myself, what kind of shape am I in? What are the potential health issues that me, and

my partner will face in the near future given our family histories and our age? These

are fair questions that could directly affect whether we even decide to date at all,

especially if we have already been a caretaker, and lost a spouse to cancer or some

other “heavy hitting” illness.

Why? Because if you or your partner get sick, you will not be able to do the things

you had both hoped to do in the “Golden Years,” like “travel and see the world,”

because one or both of you will be stuck at home, caring for a sick partner.

In light of this reality for later daters, I find it curious that there is a pervasive

mindset among men and women in their 50’s and 60’s who have had more financial

success, or inherited more money than others of the same age group. I have literally

had members of the later dater population tell me that they are looking for a woman,

or man who is independently wealthy, because: “I have worked for everything that I

have…this is my hard earned money..I inherited this money, and its mine…I

want to spend my money the way I want to, and I’m not going to share it with

someone else…I’m not going to have anyone tell me how I ought to be spending my

money and I will be damned if I’m going to share my money with some freeloader..

and I’m going to marry someone younger who can take care of me..”

No matter what their age, are you choosing people with more money than health?

Have you asked the person about their medical history? Their family medical history?

Have you asked the person about their mental and emotional history? Their family

mental and emotional history? Have you determined, in your sifting process ( who to

date or not to date) that the person you have been seeing has an addiction? Or is

controlling and abusive (because these issues will inevitably cause your own mental,

emotional and physical health to deteriorate quickly in addition to your time, money

and energy)!!

Please do not misunderstand, I am not of the bent that we have to be obsessive

about our bodies. Far from it! But I am suggesting that we do the best we can within

reason to take care of ourselves spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, AND

simultaneously accept our own aging process, and the aging process of our partner.

Due diligence to your own dating process is important. You are allowed to ask the

questions about another persons health and ideally, you ought to provide honest

answers about your own health. There is no place for deception here! How would you

like it if someone lied about their health and you were stuck with the consequences?

You may decide to choose someone who’s health is not the best, but it ought to be an

informed decision.

Finally, freak accidents happen. I have a friend in her 60’s who’s husband most

recently took a fall and broke his femur, and his arm. I have witnessed her own

process of understanding what this will mean for her and her husband, in the near future, and farther down the road. But my friend’s situation is a reminder that there are other important

qualities to consider when choosing another person. Are they: agreeable, accepting,

caring, flexible and resilient? Do they have a good sense of humour? These are VERY

important qualities to have when life throws you curve balls.

Any one “worth their salt,” anyone who can see what’s coming down the road, is

going to tell you that all aspects of your personal health, and the personal health of

your partner, is worth more than money. Because all aspects of health ( spiritual,

physical, mental and emotional) will determine how you spend your time and energy.

How is your teeth?

© Reviresco Counseling, LLC 2025

Sarah Wendell is an LPC-MHSP, CSAT, MDiv. who specializes in partners of sex addicts, sex addiction, EMDR, trauma therapy, toxic relationships, co-dependency, and spiritual abuse.